Here are some ideas for better cancer therapies:
"Tumor-Be-gone:" Sprinkle these pellets around your bed every night for 6 months. If it rains at night, sprinkle in the morning as well. Your tumor will retreat, but you must be vigilant. At first sight of more tumor, sprinkle again.
Oeno-therapy: Infuse yourself with the most expensive wine you can find every night for a year. The nucleous of the cancer cells will implode at the audacity of your newly found good taste.
Old fashioned Miami Beach Radiation Therapy: Buy a string bikini (or a speedo if you are a guy). Put it on. Cover your face totally with zinx oxide. Put on a baseball cap. Take out your lawn chair and go to a public beach. Lay in the sun at the hottest time of day, for at least 5 hours a day, from November to May. The cancer will die of embarrassment.
I am hoping to share these with my oncologists. I am sure that many of you might have some other suggestions for innovative therapies. You can add these as comments if you are a "follower" or otherwise just email me. I will try to post them. If I find a winner entry I will give you a free can of nutritional glop (see the post below if you are starting from this one.)
This has great creative possibilities. I'll volunteer Rinse and Be Gone Tumor Toothpaste followed by Cancer Loss Floss. Use after "meals" and at bedtime.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure exactly what it does, but your teeth will shine. Or is that the radiation?
Cheers, Judy. All you followers and wannabees: let's add to the list!
Marlene
A portuguese cure which will surely work. Nap under a carob tree every lunchtime for three hours after consuming 15 bottles of beer-they might even be poured through your peg if you have one. Many portuguese work man do this and they may get kidney stones but no cancer.
ReplyDeleteI can't claim to have a creative cancer cure (aka CCC), but I have had some experience with the inspiration for one of your cures, Dog-be-Gone (or something like that)that might be informative for your product's development. We bought Dog-be-Gone to get rid of raccoons that were rolling up our new sod to get to delicious grubs. I was puzzled by the directions and brought it to Josh who was also bewildered (we too have an excess of post-high school years,it seems). The directions required us to sprinkle so much for every square yard. If it was not effective, the directions were to "retreat." I read it with an accent on the second syllable and thought that was a bizarre way to market a product--if it doesn't work once, give up, throw away the box and run, don't look back. So, I suggest that when you market and label your cancer-be-gone you don't use any potential homophones. Otherwise, people might turn their backs, run and go into hiding after only one try! That will never cure their cancer.
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